Where do I find a Mistress?

Sometimes affairs start out with someone you know. Perhaps the subject of no sex at home happens at happy hour with an attractive coworker. Maybe you get close to someone while working on a PTA project. A good majority of affairs start with someone you already know and the relationship develops over time. However, there are times when you're not lucky enough to meet someone and you're dying for a good fuck. Where should you go if you don't want to look online?

1: Decide what you want.

Do you want an affair or just a one night stand? If it's the one night stand, head to the nearest teenybopper bar and hook up with some mid-twenties chick. A few drinks and some mild flattery will take you far, plus she knows what's down. She won't be expecting to see you in the morning. Do not go to a hole in the wall that would be generously described as a honkytonk, this is where you might find older (45+) women. These wonderful ladies, God bless 'em, will expect you at breakfast, lunch, and then dinner. They're nothing but Stage Five Clingers and must be avoided. It goes without mentioning that protection is an absolute must.

 

If you're really wanting an affair, be aware it's going to take some time and effort to find the right person. If you're involved in any sort of activities outside the house--your child's sports team boosters, a trivia night team--start looking there. Start really getting to know the women in that group. If you're not in a group, join one. Another option is to start hitting happy hours at mid-price range places like TGI Friday's/Ruby Tuesday's/local joint. Pick out a half-decent looking woman--ring or no--and start chatting. Get to know her, and become a regular at the place. You're forming a new relationship, she's not going to throw her shirt off with offers of sex right away. Eventually, there will come a time that will feel right for asking her if this would be something she'd be interested in.

 

Tips:

-Be wary (at first) of giving out too much information at once. She shouldn't know what grades your kids are in or what your exact job title is for at least a month or more.

-Learn to answer questions in a way that cuts down on follow up questions.

• Instead of saying "I live on the south side of town," aim for "I live on the south side of town, a   few streets over from the park."

-Learn to deflect questions back: If she asks where you work, don't just tell her that you got a new job at the hospital. Phrase it along the lines of "I just got hired on as an accountant at the hospital. Things are kinda crazy over there, I'm not even 100% sure of what department I'm going to be working in! Do you know anything about what's going on?" That actually sounds a bit stiff but you should see what I mean about deflecting the question.
-Move somewhat slowly, it will raise red flags if you go jump from asking where she went to college to if she'd like to catch a movie.
-If you're hitting happy hour after work, use cash and come up with a story to tell your wife that you can back up.

There's a lot more I could probably put into this but I think this post is long enough. Basically, it all just boils down to getting out into world, meeting people, and then developing a relationship before jumping into the whole "will you be my mistress" thing.