Prosituition and Ashley Madison

This post is for both ladies and gentlemen.

It should come as no surprise that there are prostitutes and escorts on Ashley Madison. If you've ever seen the news stories where people get busted in prostitution stings, it's usually from Backpage or Craigslist. Typically the people caught in the sting are more or less the usual suspects of various lowlifes. Notice that doctors or lawyers never get caught? It's because they're finding their fix through Ashley Madison. The smarter women of ill repute have moved their business to a more secure platform.

Ladies: Assume that some of your messages on AM are from someone on a vice squad. Sometimes they'll come right out and ask about prices for certain services or suggest to meet at a hotel. Both of these should be immediate red flags. For your first meeting or two, never agree to meet at a hotel, even if it's just in the lobby. Another tip for first meetings is to never, ever accept money--that's how you get arrested. Also take the additional step and mention up front that you're not an escort or hooker. If anybody presses you to take roses or donations (aka money) tell them no. My best advice for staying safe on Ashley Madison comes down to trusting your gut. If you think something is weird or wrong, it probably is.

Gentlemen: Much of the same advice applies to you as well. Stay away from hotels for the first few minutes, nor offer any cash. Want to pay for a lady's cab fare? Give it to the cab driver and not her. If you're planning a one night stand, take her to dinner beforehand so it's a date. Don't be afraid to ask if she is an escort. Just tell her you want to cover your ass.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to trust your gut. Stay the hell away from hotels. Be smart and you'll be fine.

Texting Right Out of The Gate

Very few people on AM like to communicate through the site as it costs men credits to do so. I get this and I have no issues with moving to email and will often provide my email before they ask. However, all anybody wants to do these days is text, of which I'm not 100% okay.

For the record, my job requires a high level of security. I'm not allowed to have my phone on me if I'm in my office. When I get to work, I have to lock my phone and any other electronics in a locker and then my purse goes through an x-ray machine. The only times I can text or make a call is if I go to my locker (which is outside the secured area) and then go to a certain break room or outside if the weather is nice. So, this means next to no texting at the one time most men want to text, i.e. during the workday away from their wife.

Also, I feel like texting is the next step after a few emails are sent. I prefer to get to know someone through a few emails first and a phone call or two and then I'm okay with texting. Texting is a horrible way to get to know someone and for me, it's a red flag.

Desperiation is a bad thing on AM and it comes across in many ways. I said in one of my first posts that a full face photo is a bad thing, as it shows you don't know what you're doing or you want to get caught. Jumping several "getting to know you" steps is like a full face picture; you're desperate because you just found your wife cheating on you and you want to even the score quickly. I don't like being with desperate men. Wait, let me rephrase that: I don't like being with men who are trying to even a score with their wife. I've done a few of those relationships back in my starting out days and they ended up being the worst. It's as if these men wanted to be caught, which is something I sure as hell don't want.

Where do I find a Mistress?

Sometimes affairs start out with someone you know. Perhaps the subject of no sex at home happens at happy hour with an attractive coworker. Maybe you get close to someone while working on a PTA project. A good majority of affairs start with someone you already know and the relationship develops over time. However, there are times when you're not lucky enough to meet someone and you're dying for a good fuck. Where should you go if you don't want to look online?

1: Decide what you want.

Do you want an affair or just a one night stand? If it's the one night stand, head to the nearest teenybopper bar and hook up with some mid-twenties chick. A few drinks and some mild flattery will take you far, plus she knows what's down. She won't be expecting to see you in the morning. Do not go to a hole in the wall that would be generously described as a honkytonk, this is where you might find older (45+) women. These wonderful ladies, God bless 'em, will expect you at breakfast, lunch, and then dinner. They're nothing but Stage Five Clingers and must be avoided. It goes without mentioning that protection is an absolute must.

 

If you're really wanting an affair, be aware it's going to take some time and effort to find the right person. If you're involved in any sort of activities outside the house--your child's sports team boosters, a trivia night team--start looking there. Start really getting to know the women in that group. If you're not in a group, join one. Another option is to start hitting happy hours at mid-price range places like TGI Friday's/Ruby Tuesday's/local joint. Pick out a half-decent looking woman--ring or no--and start chatting. Get to know her, and become a regular at the place. You're forming a new relationship, she's not going to throw her shirt off with offers of sex right away. Eventually, there will come a time that will feel right for asking her if this would be something she'd be interested in.

 

Tips:

-Be wary (at first) of giving out too much information at once. She shouldn't know what grades your kids are in or what your exact job title is for at least a month or more.

-Learn to answer questions in a way that cuts down on follow up questions.

• Instead of saying "I live on the south side of town," aim for "I live on the south side of town, a   few streets over from the park."

-Learn to deflect questions back: If she asks where you work, don't just tell her that you got a new job at the hospital. Phrase it along the lines of "I just got hired on as an accountant at the hospital. Things are kinda crazy over there, I'm not even 100% sure of what department I'm going to be working in! Do you know anything about what's going on?" That actually sounds a bit stiff but you should see what I mean about deflecting the question.
-Move somewhat slowly, it will raise red flags if you go jump from asking where she went to college to if she'd like to catch a movie.
-If you're hitting happy hour after work, use cash and come up with a story to tell your wife that you can back up.

There's a lot more I could probably put into this but I think this post is long enough. Basically, it all just boils down to getting out into world, meeting people, and then developing a relationship before jumping into the whole "will you be my mistress" thing.

 

How to Make a Good Ashley Madison Profile

AshleyMadison.com is probably the biggest reasons I got into the whole mistress thing. At happy hour during a business conference, some co-workers and I were watching some news tidbit on Ashley Madison and being fairly drunk, we all went back to our hotel room and made profiles. I put a few scandalous photos up on my private photos section and watched the men roll in. The first week was rather insane as I tried to respond to everyone who sent me a message or wink. I then started getting more picky with whom I corresponded and things got more interesting, which I mean in only the best ways. Here are some ideas for your own profile and some suggestions on what to look for if you're new to Ashley Madison:

1.  This gentleman has no profile picture but he has some available. I'm fine with someone having no picture or a blurry profile picture if they have Private Showcase photos available. If you're serious about not getting caught, you're not going to post a picture of yourself. How much stupider can you be?
2. The AM seal is probably the most important feature of any AM profile for a gentleman. While women can send and receive messages for free, men must pay for credits to put towards communication. If that seal isn't there ladies, he's not serious.
3. A username and headline can mean a lot. Generic usernames like "Downtown23562" are fine, best even. It makes it harder for someone to detect an identity. However, sometimes someone using a generic name can be really dedicated to finding someone, or they're just some horny 20 year looking to get their rocks off. "DowntownLawyer" is okay, but there is a chance it can easily identify someone to a spouse. If you have "2Hot2Horny," I'm not going to respond to your requests for my key or your messages.
   3a. A profile headline can say a lot in only a few words. This man's headline is acceptable. If you have some sexual pun or innuendo like "Cum inside for sum fun!" I'm not going to bother with you. 

Here's an example of a bad profile, so let's see what you remember from the past lesson, shall we?

 (Identifying details have been blacked out to protect the stupid.)

1.  He put his picture and his profile states he's attached.
2. I blacked it out, but his username was pretty specific.
3. His profile headline is rather whiny.

I was able to not only get this man's work address, but his home address as well. Personal security aside, do you know how easily a spouse can find you? This man may be very nice, a good lover, but discretion does not appear to be one of his better values.

Once you get past the basic demographic part of the profile comes the written portion of the AM test:

All of the portions of the written part have checkboxes where you can tick off stuff you're into, turn on, activities you enjoy, etc. I look at those but don't give them much thought. What I look at is what people actually write. This gentleman does a decent if slightly vague of expressing himself. If I received a message from him and his profile met all my other criteria, I'd write him back.

Other things I look at when choosing to respond:

• You're local: traveling businessmen are a dime a dozen. I'm a mistress, not a one night stand. If you need sex that badly when you're only in town once a month consider Craigslist or Back Page. 
• You filled out your profile: I understand that many people won't fill out their profile in concerns of being found out, but when I receive 20 messages a day that I have to sort through, yours will most likely just be deleted if there's not even a hint of information about what you enjoy. At least check off what you enjoy sexually.
  
• Grandiose anything: Many will state in their profiles about taking you on cruises or vacations. That's a bit of a red flag to me. Within this world it's very common to go on vacations with your mistress but nobody should mention it upfront. However, it is very common and acceptable for someone to say they're generous. It's expected.

Like any other social network, don't post your name, phone number, workplace, etc. I only give out very basic information until the first meeting, and even then I'm tight with information until I feel comfortable. Discretion is going to be found in all areas of an affair, it's not just keeping your mouth shut.

The most basic piece of advice for Ashley Madison? Never kiss and tell.

The basics, I guess.

Considering I only started this blog last night, I received a rather surprising amount of hits in this first 24 hours. I hate that I can't see what search terms led to find this dark little corner of the Interwebs, but I disgress.

What am I here for? I'm here to tell you how to successfully carry on an affair. When I say "successful" I mean, not getting caught. For lack of a better term, I've been a professional mistress for several years now. While fun as hell, these relationships are not easy and not for the faint of heart. If you've come across the blog you're probably considering starting an affair, or maybe in the beginning stages. If you're trying to figure out how to dodge questions, you poor bastard. 

I doubt I update this thing often, but who knows.

Just Testing

Just a quick sample post.

I'd like to see how things look.